Super-Groups Are A BAD Idea: 3 Proven Failures

Super-groups are an amazing way of watching your favourite artist do something mediocre, with the guitarists of other famous bands. These three examples give an excellent overview of what super-groups often provide the music world – CD’s which are better used as coasters.

SuperHeavy

If my post on genre crossovers wasn’t warning enough, then here it is being gloriously epitomised. Also, let’s just get this out the way, my personal opinions on Mick Jagger are less than stellar. It’s not that he repulses me, but the fact his neck has a similar anatomical structure to a vagina, is always an unwieldy distraction.

Anyway, SuperHeavy is comprised of artists from all sorts of genres. Joss Stone’s soulful vocals & Damian ‘Jr. Gong’ Marley’s reggae heritage feature on the outing. But every time Mick Jagger appears in the music video, it’s as if he’s been reanimated and cast as the villain in a Tim Burton film – flailing his limbs around as if they’re controlled by a drunken puppeteer.

Unfortunately, the whole affair is far too reminiscent of an office party that’s ended up in the karaoke bar. You get the feeling they thought it was a good idea at the time, but will be incredibly embarrassed when they remember what happened the night before.

Angels & Airwaves

As has previously been mentioned, pop-punk is something that has always been a warm familiar hug in times of need. One of the best bands of the genre, is Blink 182. The often nonsensical lyrics of Blink 182 are; at their best – poignant to a teenager, at their worst; funny and puerile. So when Tom DeLonge left Blink 182 for the nth time to form the group Angels & Airwaves, my hormone addled brain couldn’t wait.

But, what followed was an incredibly serious album full of angst, without the signature upbeat silliness. What’s even worse is the band was constructed of ex-members from 30 Seconds to Mars and The Offspring. How did they fuck that up so badly?

Take ‘Breathe’ for example. Cheesy lyrics, with Tom DeLonge having all the self awareness of a lobotomised alzheimer’s patient. As he chants “I love you” into the camera, he has the air of a desperate street magician. It’s all a bit awkward. What’s even worse, is that these were the exact kind of songs that Blink 182 parodied mercilessly throughout their career.

Damnocracy

In the interests of transparency, the main reason this band is being mentioned is because the lead guitarist is Ted Nugent. Ted Nugent to me, is the cold sore that sits upon the face of rock music. Everybody pretends to ignore its presence, sometimes it’ll lay dormant, out of sight. But then, with a vengeance, and no warning, the bulbous pulsating sack returns. It forces everyone to acknowledge it’s existence.

Fun fact, in 1978, whilst Ted Nugent was 30, he started dating a 17 year-old:

But Joel you commie’ left-wing lunatic! Things were done-diddly-different back then; women knew their place was with an older man” – Bobby Joe, 58, from Louisiana.

So, to our deep South readers I formally welcome you to Cynically Sound. But hear me out. See, there was a bit of a problem…

Ted wanted to marry the girl, but she wasn’t old enough. So, with her parent’s permission, (which is probably the most bat-shit crazy part of this whole story) he legally became her guardian. Couldn’t have just waited a year, eh Ted? Might have been a better solution than manufacturing a weird incest-like relationship for yourself.

Photo by David Rangel on Unsplash

Anyway, the supergroup he became part of in 2006 was called Damnocracy. After failing to pay the rent, 5 men thought the best course of action would be to star in a reality TV show. “What was the show called?!” I hear you scream. You guessed it – Supergroup. It included ex-members of Anthrax, a porn star & the Led Zeppelin drummer…’s son. They did incredibly well, releasing no albums. Much to everyone’s sadness, the group disbanded shortly after their massive release of nothing.

SuperFail of the SuperGroup

Super-groups very occasionally work. But more often than not, they’re either a desperate attempt to rekindle a dying famous flame, or a blatant cash grab. Regardless of the motives, a lot of them aren’t worth even the slightest reverberation of your eardrum.